Things Brooke Is No Longer Allowed To Do When Narrating For EAH
by Rival Oka Ruto
Summary: Who knew Brooke Page was such a troublemaker? Her parents certainly do. Hopefully, they'll be able to explain why this list is actually very, very necessary. Rated T for innuendo.


Things Brooke Page is no longer allowed to do when storytelling for EAH:

(Not that she should be influencing the story in any way, but sometimes she just needs more specific reminders.)

1\. Brooke may not abuse her narration powers to make the Wonderlandians believe that she is God.

*Or Satan.

*Or Hans Christian Andersen.

2\. "Wand", "beanstalk", "crystal balls", and "magic carpet" are _not_ "Ever After innuendos".

3\. Brooke shall not make any combination of two-or-more characters engage in romantic behavior (i.e. "make out") and then force the story to go on as though nothing had happened.

*Even if Holly asks nicely.

4\. Brooke is not to cut out the middle portion of any story just to get to the end, regardless of how anxious, hungry, or lazy she claims to feel.

5\. "The Evil Queen told me to" is not an excuse, nor is it a hilarious joke that should be uttered on multiple occasions.

6\. Brooke isn't allowed to speak to the Wonderlandians without a responsible narrator present.

*Giles Grimm is not a responsible narrator.

*Maddie and Kitty themselves are not responsible narrators despite the fact that they've been sworn in as emergency narrators.

7\. Bringing two characters into the same vicinity on a constant basis just because you "ship" them isn't cute; it's confusing to the characters.

8\. No, Brooke, you cannot "cut out the middle man" and make something terrible happen to Dexter just because Raven and Cupid would make a nice couple.

9\. Telling new narrators that Hopper's next assigned plot point involves being surrounded by beautiful girls is just cruel and unusual.

10\. Briar is not "Aurora as a brunette", Faybelle is not "prep!Maleficent", Cupid is not "Eros but with crystal balls", and Rosabella is not "Belle 2.0". They shall not be referred to as such in the narration.

11\. Yes, prompting Kitty to light a candle on Professor Nimble's desk was kind of funny at first. No, it shan't be repeated.

12\. Giving Sparrow song requests via thought implantation is a terrible idea.

*Especially anything by Maidonna.

**Especially _especially_ "Material Dame".

13\. Yes, unicorns are really violent. No, Blondie's attempts to test this myth don't need documentation in full, grotesque detail.

14\. Headmaster Grimm will not be referred to as "the chicken man" in narration.

15\. Brooke shall not play "truth or truth" with new narrators who are unaware of the Wonderlandians' overhearing abilities.

16\. Brooke is only to describe the most important and interesting details in the story.

*A three-paragraph description of Darling's "charmingness" is not important nor interesting.

*A three-paragraph description of Darling's outfit is perfectly acceptable.

17\. Holly's fanfiction isn't canon and shouldn't be documented as such. That girl really needs to get out of her tower more.

_18\. Brooke is to be given sufficient amounts of cake when requested._

(Actual) 18. Brooke is not allowed to edit this list; yes, I'm glaring at her as I narrate this.

19\. As of a certain "Cthulhu impersonator" incident that ended with some very disgruntled pirates, Brooke may no longer use the mirror network to access Neverland.

*Nor is she allowed to narrate in Wonderland without permission and supervision, as she seems to forget that its residents can generally hear her.

20\. Brooke cannot demand that the Ever After High logo be changed simply because she's gotten a new hairdo.

* * *

**As you can see, I picture Brooke as quite the troublemaker, especially when her parents aren't around. As such, one of her parents has kindly sat down long enough to narrate up this little list.**

**It's true that narrators can't interact with characters directly(except for Wonderlandians), but I headcanon that they're able to change the stories in infinite other ways, such as skipping the middle parts(looking at you, Miss Page). Of course, such alterations don't make for a very good story, now do they?**

**As for Holly "asking" Brooke to shake things up...well, it's a little more like "praying", since I assume many Ever After residents are at least subtly aware of some legendary narrators in the sky.**

**If you want to see an even longer list of things that Brooke isn't allowed to do while narrating for EAH, feel free to give your feedback. Suggestions for list entries are also acceptable.**

**Ever After High belongs to Mattel.**

**Maidonna and "Material Dame" are references to Madonna and "Material Girl" respectively.**

**Thanks for reading! R&amp;R if your true heart so desires.**


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